The Pain Within
It is always a devastating blow to our physical, mental, and emotional states to lose someone we love. Upon their passing, we instantly become a new person. Our smiles do not quite look the same nor do we seem as social as we used to be. Gone is the individual who was full of life and joy, and they've been replaced with one who is tormented daily by the pain that comes from this particular family member or friends death.
Now imagine feeling this way every year when you must witness a complete stranger you may have exchanged only a few words with, or someone who you possessed admiration for be escorted to their graves. As a prisoner on Death Row, this is an experience I encounter yearly and each time I've been affected profoundly. The depth of agony my heart endures observing men being taken to be killed by an unjust corrupt system is horrendous. In this environment, befriending anyone is similar to gambling. The speedy paces of our cases going throughout the courts can be clouded by the fact we have met some great individuals only to look up, and see these very same persons having their death sentences carried out. One day you're watching this man in the day room (recreation area) smiling, laughing and at a few moments angry from all the passing going on, the next a grievous revelation resides in the air. You'll never see this man again because just three hours ago he was executed.
Losing anyone that we care about is painful, however, to lose someone we care about year after year is an incomprehensible pain that can change a man or a woman's life vastly. As of today (March 22, 2010) it is exactly 8 days away from another person who is meant something to me execution date, and this reality is already starting to awaken the pain within my soul....but the question I continue to ask is when will it ever stop?
Paul Storey 2010